I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
