this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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