I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
