I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
