you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
