I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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