She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
