birth control should be required to get into college
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
