the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
