Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
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