In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
