I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
