But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
