i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
