remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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