if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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