I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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