just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
