just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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