The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
