If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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