If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I want you more than these girls want KFC
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i've created a new STD.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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