I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
