So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
...so i touched it.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
