I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
