just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
