He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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