So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
