We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
