a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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