oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
