Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
