im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Enjoy the penises
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
