just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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