i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
