I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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