We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
