Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
