He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
