hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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