I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
