Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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