We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
