I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
