fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
