thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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