Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
