I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
