you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
