he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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