just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
