his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
