I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The ass gains better be worth it
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