How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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