Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
even my farts smell like vagina
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
