woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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