Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.

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(661): View more from California

seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome

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(208): View more from Idaho

Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?

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(315): View more from New York

I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.

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(602): View more from Arizona

This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?

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(310): View more from California

I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Why are you hurting?

(630): View more from Illinois

Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.

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