Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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