My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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