She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
