I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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