i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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