you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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