____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think people are normalizing furries
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
