hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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