don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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