Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So squirting runs in the family.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
