clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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