I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
