THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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