so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
