I seem to have left my pride at pride
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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