her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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