Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
